say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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