the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
