I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
