Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
