exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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