This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
