Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
