Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
