So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize