I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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