PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
