While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
