we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
