I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
