its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
