The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
