did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Randomize
