At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Randomize