she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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