Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
