hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
