saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
