I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
