That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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