Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
