These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize