I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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