she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We left the knife in your bed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
