let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
