i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
