Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
