and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
