Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No subtext here. People are naked.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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