ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
