I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
