i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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