My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
