I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
