All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
