Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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