the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
