what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
