he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
