I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
