Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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