They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
