ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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