it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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