tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
