someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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