Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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