your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
