I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
