fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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