you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
