Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
