woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
