Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
