Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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