she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
