3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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