And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
