The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
