I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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