Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
