i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize