I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
