I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
