Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
