a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
