I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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