i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i out mim tonsoeep
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