Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do vagina's smell?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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