Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
