I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
