She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
