I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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