it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
