Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wish my penis had a tongue
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
