yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
