i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
