i just had sex bonerless
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
