My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
