all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
