You work out of a Hotel?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
