Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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