My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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