Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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