he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
