i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
