People with herpes should wear stickers.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
