We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
