is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
