so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
