U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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