you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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