I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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