I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
