and she was petting her beer can
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize