So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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