my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
